Daddy Issues

God only knows how important it is for me to spend time with my daddy. It wasn't until recent years i became comfortable with myself enough to silently admit I had Daddy Issues. My mother and father separated when my brother and I were just 7 & 9. With endless distractions from the streets and the aftermath of the Reagan era, my father wasn't as nearly consistent as he wishes he could have been.. My father, like so many black men became a victim to the system. A domino effect that inevitably sacrificed my father-daughter relationship leading me to become another young lady with daddy issues. My daddy's head was gone and so was his freedom... Charge it to the system. 

from the age  of 8 up until I was about 18 I wasn't able to see my dad much. When my mother, beloved grandmother, brother and I moved from my hometown of Richmond, Virginia to Silver Spring, i went almost a year, on a yearly basis without hearing from my dad..  

without the direction and presence of my my daddy I turned to writing, trouble and boys. I lost immediate connection to the only man I had ever loved. My connection to GOD would come after the transition of my grandmother. The connection I believe is a key element to raising emotionally healthy black girls and mentally healthy black boys. 

I missed out on so many opportunities   because we were apart. Him teaching me how to drive, him teaching me the importance of my worth and not allowing myself to settle for guys unworthy of my love, him teaching me about sports to host an introductory conversation with the opposite sex, how to know when I need an alignment or to get my brakes checked, and most importantly, how to love myself so deeply that I am able to love another human being just as deeply instead of selfishly. 

Thousands of young girls are growing up every day without the quintessential presence of a father figure in their lives. Unavoidably, these young girls grow into women that discount their worth and look for a father in a guy or grow up with resentment towards men, hence the 'Angry Black Woman' society stereotypes us with. 

at the sweet age of 26, I'm learning to accept and understand why the absence of my father could very well be the reason I've sought after protection and shelter in love first, guys second, and me last.

Due to past experiences and hopeless expectations I've come to the conclusion that I might have been or could still be slightly emotionally damaged because I had to grow up without my father in arms reach. 

theirs so many women just like me. 

So please be gentle with us girls that were raised without a father. Even though I believe I turned out fine thanks to the influence of both my mother and grandmother, and my dad beginning in my early 20s, I wish I could have spared myself an infinite amount of emotional imbalance and prevented my harum-scarum youth that had me worried about the wrong shit for too damn long.

The beauty of it is so many of us, be it male or female have daddy issues, or mommy issues and don't have to suffer alone. Let's support each other and uplift one another instead of tearing one another down for a conditioned emotional or mental imbalance we had no control over. 

My name is Quay and I have daddy issues.