Anything you obtain outside of his will, you must stay outside of his will to keep.

My walk has been off and I can pin point exactly when, what, where and how it happened and WHO DONE DID IT! & I can pin point the exact dates for each debt that cost me my peace of mind. It was a snowball affect. One curveball after the next from April to like August if I’m being frank. Each disturbance all brought on by me not taking control of my emotions and taking OFFENSE; in which I took literally, emotionally, energetically, spiritually, mentally, — ANY “ALLY” YOU can think of I took that shit to heart. Why it seem like the people that play with you the most are the people you love and care about the most?! I was deeply in my feelings over something I had complete awareness of until I didn’t anymore and it zested my zeal that I had over my life at the time. As one of the best rappers alive, my birthday twin , Lil Wayne once so poetically said “this shit get deep as empty pockets nigga’ because it does & did.

I decided when I became new in Christ that I wasn’t going to take offense to anything of the world because I was only concerned about how GOD saw me. I was riding high on that wave for a little while too— dodging BS from all different directions because I was whole again and I felt like for once in my life, I had a true sense of identity and everything else was just background noise. That was until I realized I still had to deal with the ways of the world as I was heavily very much still consumed in it. I wasn’t the least bit prepared for the storms that were forming to challenge one of the best decisions I had made for myself. I found myself completely open after the first offense. A little too open. Open enough to the point where I felt like I needed to retreat and gather myself or plunge off the deep end and do something like become a nun to avoid humans all together because some of God’s children really had me messed up.

It was a season. It was a season I didn’t know I needed. I mean, I told GOD I wanted to be OUTSIDE this summer, but I didn’t mean the wilderness. The past three months have been a whirlwind of uncertainty and discomfort but through it all, GOD’s been faithful and really amazing to me. I had my trials of running wild with the parts of me that no longer offer any true benefit towards the woman I desire to become and I believe that was essential for my own personal confirmation that some things stop working when you’re meant to grow. Not to mention how rewarding its been seeing how GOD’s grace over my life has truly changed my outlook on my circumstances… If losing my six figure job only caused me to rejoice, I can’t imagine what the blessings that he still has in store for me will do for my spirit. My focus is different now.