Water This Plant the REAL WAY.

& the limitations of self-care

I started the Water This Plant brand seven years ago as a form of escapsm from my reality. I was a fraction of myself, in a shell, operating in complete offense towards the majority of the people I allowed around me and wasn’t aware of the hell I was creating until tonight. I’m sitting here at my kitchen table typing this at 2:26am in complete awe after watching “Releasing offense through forgiveness” Episode 4 of Megan Ashley’s Totality, podcast. Though I am shocked, I am more shook than anything due to the numerous revelations that came about as I listened to Megan break down the detrimental effect that choosing not to forgive people that have wronged us, has on our own lives. So in short, this is why I can’t get out of my own way to save my life. Heard you.

It brings me back to the title of a book I would look at every night before going to bed in the single digit years of my child hood. 1998 & 1999 to be exact when I would lay with my mommy looking up at her multipurpose bed frame which doubled back as a full size bedroom library. The book was Blue and Yellow and gave me quiet storm vibes, a song I often fall asleep to while staring at the book. It was Iyana Vanzant’s 1998, January 1st release “One Day My Soul Just Opened Up” & THATS exactly what that moment can be described as in the moments of receiving that message so clearly yet biblically about how disturbing and daunting being unable to forgive someone can be in every area/aspect of your life.

I had a good ol’ christ cry because it was me in my rawest form venting to GOD about not just the past but present. I was speaking on people that i love soo much yet I carry around this transgressional weight towards them because of unresolved hurt and pain that they are connected to that I have yet to forgive them for. That’s HEAVY. Lighter said but heavier felt. I sat here and told GOD all my business. Something thats not too common. I have a prayer journal I get real honest with too but to say it out loud hits different.

This night of reckoning revealed to me a new level of possibility for my healing. It exposed the unauthentic ways of living that I’ve operated in by gradually tweaking how I engage with ALL people due to the offense caused by others— rather its keeping conversations short and sweet out of fear of being offended or if it’s operating in space of complete disconnection from them no matter how close they are to me. Seven years later I’ve been blessed to be in a season where I don’t constantly have to have my guards up because the people i surround myself with operate in love and understanding… something that was a foreign concept to me back then. My life when I started Water This Plant was legit a mere analogy of the Hulu series “little fires everywhere” . That was the reality I was operating in. I was living the exact opposite of the world I was promoting when i launched my brand. I was trying to water this plant but I had root rot.