I NEED TO PRAY MORE. I NEED TO COMMUNICATE WITH MY ANCESTORS MORE. I NEED TO WRITE MORE. I NEED TO READ MORE. I NEED TO FEEL MORE. I NEED TO BE MORE.
I NEED LESS THOUGHTS THAT DIMINISH MY SPIRIT AND MORE THAT CATER TO THE HARMONY OF MY SPIRIT. I NEED LESS SELF LOATHING AND SELF SABOTAGE and more self empowerment and self preservation.
It’s such a daunting task to go hard for your community when you know the odds are stacked against you. I strive to go hard for my community in my head & my heart and my soul is completely here for it but when it comes to putting action behind the marvelous thoughts that decorate my imagination, I always falter to put one foot in front of the other. The days that I plan weeks in advance to go out and film and talk to my community, end up being days I stay in bed fighting a depression that has plagued my spirit since I was conceived. My father is homeless, a recovering drug addict and rather it be physical, mental or genetically , I’m effected by it every day. I know I have to do what I can to break out of the stigmas that this ugly corporation we call the United States of America made me a product of, and I know I have to make the leaders that have gone before me proud. Nipsey, PAC, Malcolm, Martin, Huey, Baldwin, & Gregory… all influences of who I am today. But i’m scared. Scared I won’t be good enough, scared i’ll come up short and scared that I’ll die before I accomplish my vision. It’s fear that raised me. It’s fear that raises a lot of us. Rather it was birthed through the education system or the media, it’s a product of our reality on a day to day basis and i’m just trying to get the fuck out of its hold, so I can be great and truly claim my power. My cultures leaders didn’t go out the way they did for me to just go along living this mediocre ass lifestyle. I have to find my place of solidarity and step in my power… Power to the people.