Am I really getting better?

On days like today, I really have to ask myself, Am I really getting better?

I walked around with a chip on my shoulder and anger in my heart the whole day. It was one of those Dear Diary everybody had me messed up kind of days. Worst part about it, I think I got annoyed in church of all places.

I’m traditional AF and it pains me how church’s have become tools for political conquest. I feel like this country has failed me and my people in various ways but separation of church and state is one doctrine in the constitution I believe they did get right.

But anyways…I’m tired of having days like today where everything that bothers me comes to surface all at once and I find myself questioning rather or not I’m making real progress or just faking it until I make it. I think it’s easier to digest that I just need to finally get professional help with processing all my stuff. My emotions, feelings and those demons, which I’m beginning to realize are merely representations of my trauma,  generational curses, fears, wickedness, and self sabotaging thoughts and behaviors attached to a spirit of lack.

I know I can’t control life, only my attitude towards it but on days like today, when I have so little in me to give it really does feel like I’m not as far ahead as I would like to be, mentality wise. The patience is there but the pressure to endure is too.